A Body of Being
I clearly remember the first time I was disgusted with my body. After I scooted my small frame into the backseat of our brown Chevy station wagon, I let my legs relax and land heavily. I was embarrassed and ashamed as I noticed how my thighs spread wide and fleshy across the cold vinyl seats.
From that moment forward, I always perched myself up on my toes as I sat, so that my thighs suspended high above the seat, making them look slim and slender. I was probably seven or eight years old.
Being ashamed of our bodies creates a division within us. We no longer want to be in the body; it feels dangerous to trust this space that transformed on the outside in a way that didn’t match who we were on the inside. The reconciliation can take years; maybe a lifetime.
But what if you redefined your relationship to your body? What if you could feel it from the inside out; noticing perhaps, that there are canyons and galaxies and dark spaces waiting to be explored? Is this what we lost when we noticed the size of our thighs?
If you can’t reconcile with your outer form, start from the inside and work your way out. Allow your breath to guide you in; leave all your judgements at the door.
What color is your inner body?
Is there movement?
Is there sound?
Are there deep pockets of mystery that scare and intrigue you?
Can you be brave here?
Can you be curious?
Can you be soft?
Can you let go?
Can you trust this space?
You’ll never know until you go.
Drop in. Forgive. Make peace.
Let yourself be loved.